CLEP-ing out

From an online advertisement by the College Board, the fine folks who bring you the ACT and SAT testing:

"CLEP (College-Level Examination Program) helps you earn college credit for knowledge you've acquired through independent study, prior course work, on-the-job training, professional development, cultural pursuits, or internships."

Not to mention something called "Life Experience."

"CLEP-ing out" is a term used (often arrogantly and frequently derisively) by university admissions and enrollment counselors to describe the audacity of people appearing in their office unbidden, straight from the unwashed masses, who want to get credit for a course by challenging the university's examinations for that course, rather than actually take the course and sit in class being put to sleep by the lecture-drone of the graduate student assigned by the course professor to do the actual lecture-droning while the august professor himself is off doing research at his favorite bar slash strip club. Usually, the admissions counselor will stand behind his desk and look down his nose at the seated inquirer with equal portions of contempt and disgust, lifting his wise academic chin a bit more as he says something like, "And what makes you think you could pass the examination on this subject?"

Translation: "How dare you!"

Me: "Well, CLEP is for people who have learned things outside the classroom, through life experience and such. Life experience I have. Some education I have too, but I want some more."

Child as he was, he was desperate with hunger, and reckless with misery. He rose from the table; and advancing to the master, basin and spoon in hand, said, somewhat alarmed at his own temerity:

'Please, sir, I want some more.'

The master was a fat, healthy man; but he turned very pale. He gazed in stupified astonishment on the small rebel for some seconds, and then clung for support to the copper. The assistants were paralysed with wonder; the boys with fear.

'What!' said the master at length, in a faint voice.

'Please, sir,' replied Oliver, 'I want some more.'

The master aimed a blow at Oliver's head with the ladle; pinioned him in his arm; and shrieked aloud for the beadle.

The board were sitting in solemn conclave, when Mr. Bumble rushed into the room in great excitement, and addressing the gentleman in the high chair, said,

'Mr. Limbkins, I beg your pardon, sir! Oliver Twist has asked for more!'

It's been a long time now since I've felt the need for more paper - paper certificates, transcripts, even diplomas (diplomi?) - to frame on walls, especially since I've been self-employed pretty much all my life and thus don't need the paper in order to get hired. All I need is the learning part. I don't really need to impress people and I don't much want to be around people who are impressed by paper, anyway. But I do still like to learn. A lifelong thirst for truth, as we INTPs like to say. Or for "clarity" if you wonder why this blog is so-named. So it's been a long time, as well, since I've sat in the admissions office of any university. Since all I want is to learn, it's easier to just buy the CLEP study materials for various examinations for this or that learning interest. Then I take the sample tests to prove to myself that I know the subject, and omit entirely both the university admissions office and their cashier. It's a hobby. Perhaps I should caution you that my way won't work for you if you actually want college credit.

For some reason, the following statement precedes all sample questions, thousands of times, in all CLEP study guides. Perhaps some college students need the warning. Who knows.
---------------------------


"The following sample questions do not appear on an actual CLEP examination. They are intended to give potential test-takers an indication of the format and difficulty level of the examination and provide content for practice and review."


ANALYZING AND INTERPRETING LITERATURE

My Sorrow, when she's here with me,
Thinks these dark days of autumn rain
Are beautiful as days can be;
She loves the bare, the withered tree;
She walks the sodden pasture lane.	5
Her pleasure will not let me stay.
She talks and I am fain* to list*:
She's glad the birds are gone away,
She's glad her simple worsted grey
Is silver now with clinging mist.	10
The desolate, deserted trees,
The faded earth, the heavy sky,
The beauties she so truly sees,
She thinks I have no eye for these,
And vexes me for reason why.	15
Not yesterday I learned to know
The love of bare November days
Before the coming of the snow;
But it were vain to tell her so,
And they are better for her praise. --------------------------- Question 1 of 9: The central subject of the poem is A. a couple's conversation about which season each prefers B. the speaker's dislike of autumn weather C. the speaker's desire to spend time with his companion D. how sadness helps the speaker appreciate late autumn E. why the speaker's companion is looking forward to winter Question 2 of 9: The poet primarily uses which literary device to characterize the speaker's "Sorrow"? A. Symbolism B. Parallelism C. Foreshadowing D. Personification E. Irony Question 3 of 9: In context, the word "simple" in line 9 most nearly means A. plain B. straightforward C. easy D. rudimentary E. foolish Question 4 of 9: Lines 7-12 "She's glad … the heavy sky" are best described as a list of A. what makes late autumn such a sad time B. what the speaker dislikes about his surroundings C. what the speaker's "Sorrow" finds appealing D. signs that a cold winter is approaching E. signs that the speaker's "Sorrow" is biased Question 5 of 9: Lines 9-10 suggest that "she" is "glad" because A. the autumn rain is ending B. the mist is another aspect of autumn that pleases her C. she is dressed well for the late autumn weather D. she likes the new silver color of her clothes E. the color of the sky has become more beautiful Question 6 of 9: The phrase "desolate, deserted" (line 11) is an example of A. allusion B. alliteration C. metaphor D. metonymy E. onomatopoeia Question 7 of 9: The phrase "Not yesterday I learned to know / The love of bare November days" (lines 16-17) suggests that A. the speaker fell in love on a November day many years ago B. today is the first day of November C. the speaker has never learned to love November days D. the month of November has just ended E. the speaker has loved November days for a long time Question 8 of 9: In the last stanza (lines 16-20), which of the following reasons does the speaker give for not telling his "Sorrow" how he feels about late autumn days? The speaker values the perspective given by "Sorrow." It would be useless for the speaker to reveal his or her feelings. The speaker is afraid to reveal his or her feelings. A. I only B. I and II only C. I and III only D. II and III only E. I, II and III Question 9 of 9: The speaker's attitude in the poem is primarily one of A. fear and despair B. excitement and anticipation C. melancholy tempered with contentment D. frustration with his companion E. surprise leading to joy --------------------------- I'm sorry these were multiple-choice. That's the only kind they have in these things. I took the test cold without studying and I got only one wrong, so it's not rocket science. Not if you like poetry, at least. I got number 4 wrong. I selected "Symbolism" instead of "Personification." If you are interested, the answers are here: http://clep.collegeboard.org/exam/literature/questions/0

Racism anyone? LA not ready yet?

New advertising billboards in Los Angeles are causing a stir. Angelenos are not liking the Billboards, say the newspapers. Chicago is next and then New York. An American GI and his Muslim wife are pictured (they are really married, not just actors) the agency says. There are also TV commercials for the same product which show them dressing for work in the morning. Before she puts on her veil. OMG. Ah, well. No cause for alarm. This is our world today, and I see nothing wrong. Apparently the ad agency thought it would be controversial, though. They have said one of the billboards is going up in NYC about 3 blocks from "ground zero."

So what?

The product is supposed to stop you from snoring, so you can "be together" in bed.

Bigger fish to fry, I say.

Another anniversary

Red Lines and Morality

As I write this post, the situation in Syria is in the news.

If you read this a few days after it was written, there may be a U.S. involvement in that civil war by then. I hope not.

Since an attack hasn't happened yet, as of today, I have the luxury of sitting back and analyzing why the U.S. should or should not get involved. In my view, there are better reasons not to get involved than to go ahead and get involved. Here are the points that are running through my mind right now:

1. The Obama administration (and others) believe there was a chemical weapons attack on the rebel forces in Syria. They believe this attack was done by the Syrian government forces.

2.  The Obama administration (and others) seem to believe that this chemical attack requires a response by the U.S. military.

Why?

Apparently Obama feels outraged that some sort of moral line has been crossed. Hundreds of dead children were wrapped up and placed in long lines in a warehouse for the cameras. As Bush the elder might have said, "This will not stand." Ok. And I'm thinking that if hundreds of dead children had been killed instead by machine gun fire, and wrapped in white linen and placed in long lines in a warehouse for the TV cameras, then a moral line would not have been crossed? - a moral line that hadn't been crossed by the killing of 100,000 people before the gas attack? And I'm thinking, Obama cares for these children. His heart breaks. He must put a stop to it. Well then, why the hell doesn't this child-mourning morally outraged man stop the killing of thousands of AMERICAN babies every year? Is it ok to hold Syrian tyrants accountable with military action, but not ok to hold teenagers accountable for not getting pregnant?

I know, I know - I am the only one who thinks these kinds of crazy thoughts.

Obama feels that chemical weapons are a step too far, and some action must be taken to let the tyrants know we won't stand for the killing of people in THIS way. Do you think Obama's limited missile-only three or four day "lesson" (guaranteed not to kill any people, btw) is going to make these dictators quake in their boots, learn their lesson to never try that chemical crap again? Do you? I'm thinking Assad and his boys are not exactly fouling their trousers at the thought.

And I'm also thinking, do we have any of those "bunker buster" bombs left over from Iraq and Afghanistan? Because, if we do, maybe we could use them to set Iran's nuclear weapons program back a couple of decades. I think I could get behind something like that because I can clearly see a benefit to America by doing so. A few melons on the mullahs, eh? Then watch the "Syrian situation" quickly take care of itself. A miracle.

Tell me what the benefit to America will be by wasting some very expensive missiles on Assad? Such a little tantrum will change nothing. And don't say it is the moral thing to do because a line has been crossed and, by god, we just can't let 'em cross them red lines. Because American society has been so corrupted over the years that it finds NOTHING immoral anymore. It is outrageous to hear the war-boy politicians crying MORALITY! MORALITY! while they go about their daily business of taking bribes and screwing the American public.

Two-faced septic-tank bottom feeders.

Give me the Pharisees any day.

"Founding Father" observation

"Only a virtuous people are capable of freedom. As nations become more corrupt and vicious, they have more need of masters."

—Benjamin Franklin

Are you smarter than an eighth grader?

There is a TV show (or at least there used to be one) called, "Are you smarter than a 5th grader?" I watched it a few times. I did pretty well - better than a lot of the contestants who had to get help from the kids, but not as well as some of the kids.

We make a lot of jokes today, sad jokes, about high school graduates often not even knowing how to read or write. Some of that is probably true, although not as bad as the British pundits running edited film clips depicting Americans in general as morons would have you believe. I hope.

Anyway, I ran across (online) an old graduation test (eighth grade) from a Kentucky school district from a hundred years ago, in 1912. Remember that back then it wasn't the norm to finish high school, and an eighth grade education was deemed adequate for many, even less for the farm boys. One would imagine that such a test for eighth graders would be a breeze for us modern folk to pass today. I thought I could. I quickly realized I couldn't. Not off the top of my head without further study.

The first thing I noticed about the test was that there were no multiple-guess questions; the kids had to write out their answers on many of them, and prove they could read by doing it in public. Writing too.  There were several sections to the test, and it must have taken quite some time to complete. I assume the kids were timed. The sections were:

Spelling-Reading-Writing
Arithmetic
Grammar
Geography
Physiology
Civil Government
History

I thought I could do most of this stuff pretty easily, but it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. I don't think I would have passed. Back to eighth grade for me. Want to try a few questions? There's a lot of questions so I don't expect you to wade through it all. Also, some of this stuff is obsolete information today. I didn't understand the questions on some of them.

The reading and writing were given by teachers and judged by proctors. Can't do any of that here, but here are the words they had to spell:

(Click to enlarge if needed)

I liked the Arithmetic section because I like to analyze things. When I was still in school, I could often arrive at the right answer eventually, even if I couldn't remember the actual formula. I was very inventive. :)

Give some of the below arithmetic questions a shot.

Grammar I passed on. Some of the Geography questions were challenging though:

Anyway, I would like to see this test given to high school 10th graders today, and without multiple choice options.

If you would like to peruse the other sections, the entire test can be viewed here, and the answers can be found here.

School's out.

Waiting to check out in the ever-longer lines at Walmart today, I perused the headlines of the tabloid rack and amongst the mostly Trayvon shills saw a full page picture of a sad and bloated OJ Simpson under a headline that said he had only two months to live. Maybe it was 2 minutes. Anyway, they said he weighed 300 pounds and was dying of some mysterious disease. Well, if he's gained a hundred pounds, I'm guessing the mysterious disease is diabetes. I also had a passing wonderment how one can gain 100 pounds in prison. Is the chow really that good?

Walmart is experimenting to find out just how long their customers will wait in line before they just walk out. They are down to about 4 checkers per 1000 customers now. I'm guessing people would wait long enough for them to go down to 3 checkers, at least. Most customers are unemployed and on food stamps anyway, so nowhere to go. I wonder if it occurs to any of the unemployed to put in a job application at Walmart on their computer thingy by the front door next to the pizzas? Obviously help is needed. And at Walmart, employment comes with the perk that you don't have to actually work.

Apparently.