Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Which one are you? No, really...

Have any of you ever checked out your personality profile? It seems to be all the rage now - at least there are tests all over the internet. You've got your Carl Jung and your Myers-Briggs. You have engrams and colors and... more.

Save your time - I've narrowed them all down into one condensed version for you. I call it the Max Unfailing Personality Profile Estimating Technique (MUPPET). You can forget about all your Introverted Thinking and ENTP The Mastermind and all that. The way I figure it, there are only three types of basic personality types in this world: Homer Simpson, Ned Flanders and Mr. Burns. Which is to say "Clueless", "Religious" and "Asshole".

Kidding. Rewinding.

My three REAL base personality types are "Investigator-Planners", "Craftsmen-Artists" and "Helper-Savers".

In the first group you have all the Scientists, Inventors, Planners, Engineers, Architects and what not - people who generally use their brains to make their living. Even Walmart managers are in this bin.

In the second group are the people who are only happy when their hands are making something. Machinists. Potters. Sculptors. Woodworkers. Surgeons. Maybe not surgeons.

In the last group are your Bishop Tutus, Ned Flanderses and Mother Theresas, of course, but also counselors, schoolteachers, crossing guards and homeless-shelter organizers. And surgeons, probably. And paramedics (unless they were just unemployed and needed to cross-train.)

Painters and dancers and photographers and musicians fall into the "Interpreter" personality type. Wait. There is no such type.

Four. FOUR personality types.

Never mind.


  1. What about introverted writer types? Where do they fit in? Or perhaps they don't, really - each in their own metaphorical J.D. Salingeresque cabin in the woods...Or something.

  2. I've never understood why there are only X personality types. Or why someone is supposed to fit into a "single" one.

    What's the deal with binning up our personalities anyway? Why can't we deal with people as unique individuals?

    So, I guess I come in as an "asshole." That is pretty broad.

  3. I love it.. but sometimes I feel like mel in the middle... neither one thing nor another xx

  4. I *love* your new header. Which one is you? It has to be the one on the left, without any doubt. Talking a lot. The other one can't get a word in edgeways. That would be me.

    And the title too. Perfect.

    I'll go and read the post now.

  5. I must be clueless. I'm definitely not religious and I can't think what you mean by the other one.

    Wait, there's more. Right, I must be an Investigator with a dash of Interpreter. Or maybe the reverse.

    PS What's happened to your blog list? It's acting strange.

  6. Lidian, you ask a good question. Perhaps a little too intelligent for this blog, but a good question, nonetheless. Writers (such as myself, for example) are MUCH too complicated and deep to be lumped with any of the three types that NORMAL people fall under. We are the patient interpretors (our secret exclusive type) who act as life-guides to the rest of humankind.

    I think you probably meant H.D. Thoreau Cabin in the Woods (complete with cake) rather than J.D. Salinger Cabin in the Rye/Woods (see how I guide you instinctively. It is a gift.)

    Actually you touch on a subject that cries out for another post. The depth of your search for knowledge cannot be covered in a mere comment, not even by modest me.

    Said post will magically appear tomorrow in this space, in all its interpretive glory. Please stop by.

  7. Or "interpreter" if you prefer the Canadian spelling.

  8. Introverted writer types are a very different breed from the extroverted writer types. VERY different.

  9. Stephanie, it is so good to see you form the words, "I've never understood why..." so I will interpret the cosmos for you a bit, in my inimitable ying/yang specialness.

    You see, in God's eyes, we all are as infinitely varied as the snowflakes and the stars. However, in the eyes of, say, Charles Darwin, we are close enough for government work, and therefore glommed (technical evolutionary term) into the same mold. We are all only homo saps.

    Yet, verily, there are truly as many personality types as there are humans on earth. Humans less politicians, I mean. But, even so, we are able to group. We homo saps love to group. Max was simply able to boil it down to only three general kinds. Four, if you count the secret special type.

    To quote Albert Einstein (or was it Mark Twain?) "Listen to Relax Max. He knows."

  10. Your writing is so awesome. I could read your stuff all day long!

  11. No problem there at all, Tanisha. You could spend all of all your remaining days and still barely scratch the surface. Our Max is bountiful in his offerings to us. His mind is awash with .... stuff. And then he tells us all about it. ALL about it.

  12. I'm with Steph... but i injoyed the post.

    and i love your blog, it gets me thinking about stuff, i never would have.


  13. Sage, I hope you didn't take this too seriously! I have a feeling I need to rethink my categories. :)

  14. A., Which one is me? I never thought I would get that question from a photograph I can't find the owner of. I guess I am the bench. I don't talk much.

    I don't think you're clueless. Not by a long shot. I'm not sure what you are but it isn't clueless.

    I have no control over my bloglist, I'm afraid. That is at the mercy of Google and your French Connection.

    I hope you will be back. I will think of more personality types if you come back. :)

  15. Sheila? Is that you? Have you been peeking at your mail again? How do you know what types of writers there are?

  16. Jeff, you can be with Stephanie if you want to be. I think it is a mistake though. You may be sorry... :)

    I see in the newspaper you have the world's largest highway bridge recently installed in your town. They didn't say what it was a bridge over. Maybe a river.

  17. Tanisha, I will continue to spew forth good stuff. Stay away from A. Don't answer here even. Stay as pure and loyal as you are now. The check is in the mail.



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