Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Angelika's questions

Here are Relax Max's answers to Angelika's odd questions. I'm only answering because the prize she offered was so big.


Feeling NormalRandom Questions because


am still wide awake but not quite ready to watch my DVRed crap.

Answer them in the comments or on your own blog & link back to me.

  1. Do you think Don Rickles is Funny? No. He used to be when his act was new and shocking. Tedious now.

  2. Have you seen "A Piece of Work" starring Joan Rivers? No. It's entirely possible that Joan Rivers should be put to death. Some say.

  3. Do you think this is appropriate? No. Jesus. That's disgusting.

  4. Salt and Pepa Let's talk about sex
  5. At what age do you think it's appropriate to discuss sex with your child? 25 or so. If then.

  6. Did your parents have "the talk" with you? Are you kidding?

  7. Do you cuss/curse? If so, how much. If not, why? Fuck no. That shit's vile and classless.

  8. Have you seen Knowing with Nicholas Cage? No. At least not knowingly.

  9. Do you use Netflix? No. Because of their rude popunder advertising. I guess that's why I never saw Nicolas Cage's movie, huh.

  10. What's your favorite fruit? Bananas. Then Strawberries. No, wait. Bananas and strawberries.

  11. Do you prefer morning or evening? Morning. But I don't get up until evening.

  12. Do you have a racist/bigoted family member? How do you deal with that? I guess you are saying that would be wrong, right? heh. I dunno. I don't think so. I think if they were telling racist jokes I would just stand there and stare at them instead of laughing. Is that too non-violent?

  13. I just realized the other day that my son's sperm donor is 52. That makes him the same age as Hugh Laurie. Are you surprised by that? I'm surprised Hugh Laurie is 52. I thought he was the one, though. Or that 7-11 clerk you had a crush on. But I guess Evan was already 12 when you discovered the 7-11 guy. Did you ever see The World According to Garp? Do you remember how Glenn Close got pregnant with the comatose soldier? Trivia: what was his rank?

  14. Do you feel as old as your chronological age? Sometimes. Not when I am sleeping or blogging. When I am watching Auburn kicking last second field goals against Oregon in the national championship game I feel old. Or pissed. I guess feeling pissed is not the same thing as feeling old. Can I have a do-over on this question? No, I feel young. Like Captain Kirk in Genesis.

  15. Children
  16. Do you like kids? Sure. Very tasty.

  17. Do you make New Year's Resolutions?
  18. Yes. I don't keep them, but I make them.

  1. 16. Do you buy organic whenever you can? No. I prefer to toughen my immune system by ingesting chemicals with long names. Does McDonalds count as organic?

  2. 17. How often do you eat out at restaurants? I don't know. Who would count something like that? Not very often. Wait. You mean fast food too, or regular restaurants?

  3. 18. Do you think you're kinky? No.

  4. 19. Do you believe in love at first site? At the first site I come across? You mean sight right? Sure, I guess.

  5. 20. Do you have to go to the bathroom right now too? What do you mean "too"?

  6. 21. The average person picks his/her nose 5 times per hour. Do you believe this? Are you above or below the norm? It would be really difficult to keep that down to 5 times per hour.

  7. 22. Are you married? Yes.

  8. 23. Are you younger than 30? Almost. Heh. No. :(

  9. Oriental Ramen Noodles
  10. 24. Will you send me some Oriental flavored ramen to feed The Boy? No. Postage would cost more than a case of that stuff. I secretly like it though. Not oriental flavor. BEEF. YO!

  11. 25. How do you like your eggs? Unfertilized.

  12. 26. Are you a good cook? Naw.

  13. 27. Do you prefer sweet or savory food? I like hot food. Like Mexican food.

  14. 28. Do you watch any of the Real Housewives shows? Get real. Damn girly blog of yours.

  15. 29. Do you think you need to lose weight? It is one of my new years resolutions.

  16. 30. Do you talk to strangers in real life? Sometimes. If they stop me in traffic and are wearing a badge. Not in grocery store lines though. If they try to talk to me, I just stare at them like a cold fish as if they had tried to tell me a racist joke.


  1. I suppose I understood about 50% of those questions, probably less, but your numbering system has me completely dumbstruck. No, not completely dumbstruck because I'm going to set my English teacher rolling in her grave (I feel sure she's got there by now but perhaps like all young people I thought everyone over the age of 20 was old) by saying that is the most unique numbering system I've ever seen. You know how much I like numbered lists, and this is definitely the best I've seen. I may try it one day.

    Sorry, was that relevant to your post? Almost.

  2. 12 - What 7-11 guy? Are you talking about the guy @ the Liquor store? I've been OVER Hugh Laurie ever since I saw his Larry King shoulders on an episode of House, LOL. My new imaginary BF is Jensen Ackles.

    13 - ROLL TIDE! Auburn can kiss my dimpled ass. :-)

    16 - Me too!

    17 - I meant either. Fast food or actual dine in restaurants. I just didn't want to leave "eat out" on there with no qualifier. :-)

    18 - HA! Yes, I meant sight. This is why we need more than spell check, LOL.

    20 - I had to shake the dew off my lily @ that particular time.

    24 - I like pork. It's The Boy who likes Oriental. Anyway, I was able to get to the store today & get The Boy 30 packs & a 30 pack of Hot Dogs so we should be set for food for 2 or 3 days...

    25 - LOL! Good one. :-)

    28 - My other imaginary BF (Craig Ferguson) likes the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. He's the straightest man on CBS @ 12:27 am.

    30 - That sounds exactly like Evan. Except his face is more like "I will kick your fucking ass if you talk to me!"

  3. I am also confused by your numbering system, but maybe I need to check out Angelika's original post...

    I have tried to dial down the New Year's resolutions this year - that might actually BE my New Year's resolution, really.

  4. I just want to be a better person, and get my book done... thats my goal for 2011.


  5. @A. - I just copied and pasted and the numbers came out wrong and the blogger editor wouldn't let me backspace over them to delete them so I just put the real numbers next to them. It is amazing what you get out of my posts. Does none of my content matter at all? :)

    @Stephanie Barr - A ham, I think.

    There was this Polish wedding reception and there was a dance contest for guys and the second prize was a night with the bride. First prize was a ham.

    So, I don't know. Hard to tell with Angelika.

    (Angelika is not Polish.)

    @Angelika - Liquor store? You said it was a convenience store where you bought those vile little brown cigarettes of yours.

    Roll Tide? Here's a true story. Feel free to post about it and pretend the hero of the story was you. I was driving up from New Orleans one time, cut across Mississippi to Alabama (up through Hattiesburg; you know Hattiesburg? I used to be stationed in the Air Force in Biloxi, so I know Hattiesburg) and I got off at Tuscaloosa (on purpose) and couldn't even find the campus. And there is only one main road in Tuscaloosa. Jesus but true. So the University of Alabama has never been seen by me. I probably just didn't go far enough down that one road. I was afraid of being attacked by grits or okra or something. This was the same trip I took those pictures in that blog post of Tulane and Loyola and LSU (that's up in Baton Rouge where Jimmy Swaggart lives and Bobby McGee got picked up in the rain by that trucker with which they sang all the songs he knew. Anyway, it rained so hard 'tween Baton Rouge and New Orleans I had to pull off I-10 and wait it out right in the middle of crazy cajun country. Rains every damn day in Louisiana like Noah's Ark rain. So, not finding the Tide in Tuscaloosa, I mosied on up to Birmingham and got there right during afternoon rush and said fuck this and kept driving on up to Nashville. Starting to feel like Paul Simon a little bit, only Graceland is in Memphis not Nashville, so that was only a figure of speech, ok? Way off to my left. right? Got there (Nashville) at dusk and just looked at the blue lights on top of the Batman building (Nashville being dead on a Tuesday night anyway, and they roll up the streets) and kept on trucking up to Louisville. Got some more gas and tried to walk around a bit but kept falling against the car because my ass was so asleep from being sitting so long, and so I just left. Flood stage, the Ohio river was. But got there at midnight so who cares, right? So I cross the bridge where Muhammad Ali threw away his olympic medal off of and continued on up to Indianapolis. Like four in the morning now and I'm feeling like Forrest Gump running back and forth across the country. Long damn way from Santa Monica, though. Another time, another story. The bastards hung me in Indianapolis so I never made it to Detroit. Kidding. I made it to Detroit. I wanted to see Tiger Stadium one more time afore they tore it down. Got some nice pictures. Or as nice as Detroit gets, if you know what I mean. Their loss. Roll, Tide. Woot. I left out the point of this story because I forgot it now. I think it was more to it than just not finding the campus.

  6. @Lidian. Wow. Talk about a ghost from the past! Where have you been? I shouldn't talk, I guess. Well, if you will read my comment to A. above, then you will see what all the fuss is about numbering. Personally, I would rather know how people like their eggs, but everybody else just seems to care about the numbers. Good for you on not making new years resolutions. But I think it is the law and you have to make some. Maybe I will make some for you, just to keep you out of trouble with the law. So, are you published yet?

    @Jeff King - Jeff, you have to just stop killing yourself over that book. Maybe, instead, begin to drink heavily or something. You take writing too seriously. Writing is only your life, you know. Besides, now that Stephanie has chickened out of blogging, you don't have to finish it if you don't want to. Tell you what - send me your manuscript and I will read some of it. And I will ask A. and Lidian to read the rest, and we will... something.

  7. A: Thank you for clarifying the fact that you forgot the point of the story.

    Oh yeah, I do buy my vile cigars from a "convenience store" of a sort, but I live in the boondocks so we ain't got nuthin fancy like them thar sebun elebuns round here, yew Yankee basterd. This one is named after the owner & you can get bread & milk, college football collectibles/clothing & cigarettes or cigars from there.

    I attended UofA at Tuscaloosa - I mean, I was enrolled for a year but never went to class because I was majorly depressed (undiagnosed @ that age) & my mother wouldn't let me drop out after the first semester even though I TOLD HER that I hated it there because she was enjoying her freedom too much to give a shit about her daughter who had already tried to kill herself several times before already. Fucking bitch.

    Does that make me sound bitter? :-)

    The point of MY post is: Look for your High Five from me HERE :-)

  8. "Chickened out of blogging"?

    A. Why would anyone be afraid of blogging?
    B. I'm still blogging. I'm just only doing one.
    C. I'm taking on a new hopeless endeavor, which I'll describe on my blog. Eventually.

    And what do my blogging habits have to do with Jeff's novel?


  9. The world revolved around you, Stephanie.

    Max is just upset that you aren't blogging on three blogs every single day. You've crushed him. It's the reason he gets up in the morning.

    And I want Jeff's book FIRST. I've been waiting to read it, and it looks like he and I will be finished with our novels at just the right time.

    Great post. Very funny... and tragic.

  10. Wait, Shakespeare, how many times have you told me that the world doesn't revolve around me?

    Which is how I want it. I don't even want to be a cog in the mechanism of revolving the world.


  11. @Angelika - Thank you for the High 5! So... all I have to do is rebroadcast your blog posts and I get a High 5? Cool! So you were really enrolled at UA? Really? But you switched to Auburn? Hmmmm.

    Kidding. ;)

    @Stephanie Barr - Yeah. Chickened out. Copped out. And don't try to pretend you are really still blogging. But that's ok. I don't want to fight with you anyway if you have lost your passion. How long does it take to make a short post? You were a mentor for Jeff.

    @Shakespeare - She doesn't have to blog on three blogs. One blog once a week is fine, if it is thought-provoking. She says she has run out of things to say. At least that is the gist. My world doesn't exactly revolve around her, but she used to be fun to debate. Well, maybe she'll still come around here to debate so it won't be a total loss of a sparring partner. :)



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