Sunday, February 1, 2009

In search of the perfect cup of coffee

Relax Max drinks coffee. I have since I was just out of high school. My first cup was when I was 18 and working at a movie theater late at night. The projectionist used to send me down to the corner all-night cafe to get him coffee. He would buy me a cup for going. Such a guy. One time I actually drank it. Some of it. Then poured the rest out. Next time I tried to get rid of the coffee taste by filling it a third full of milk and then adding about 17 sugar packets off the counter. Still no good, but it made my teeth hurt. Poured it out too. Told projectionist he would have to start springing for a soft drink instead.

Later that summer I learned to drink coffee and smoke filterless Camel cigarettes. Thereafter I was able to get sex effortlessly, as the Camel magazine ads promised.

I have since traveled a bit (and long-since stopped smoking, although I haven't had sex since I stopped having that cool cig in my mouth) and had some really good cups of coffee. Also, I have had some that made me tell the waitress to throw it out. So have most of you. My best cup of coffee? One of the very best was at a really nice restaurant in San Diego, a long time ago. But the VERY best? You'll never guess. In any Air Force mess hall at 6 in the morning, before it has had time to cook down. True. Well, maybe not true anymore, but true when I was a 4-year prisoner of the USAF way back right after the Civil War. So.

It has been a while since I have had a really good cup of coffee. I have gone through a few brands of coffee and a few coffee makers without really finding the best combination. Coming close for many years, but only occasionally being successful (and then still not remembering how to duplicate that occasional goodness), I decided just the other day to study up on it. This post is the result of my studies.

But three of you have already emailed the World Blogger's Association headquarters and complained about the length of my posts. So I will stop here, even though I haven't had a chance to share my learnings with you.

Kidding. I'll tell you tomorrow. If I get 3 more followers today.

Don't comment on this and tell what your personal secret is. Save that for tomorrow after I tell you what I found out. Then we will all get together and share secrets in the comments.

For today, just make comments telling the world how cool I am, generally.

Alternatively, it is also okay to comment today about how you started drinking coffee at age 2, how your teeth have rotted out from it, how your doctor has told you to cut back on caffeine and how bad decaf tastes, how Mormons don't drink hot drinks or how A. prefers tea to coffee.

And don't let the cat out of the bag that Kenya has the best coffee in the world and screw Columbia and that guy Juan Valdez and the donkey he rode in on. I want to tell you that tomorrow, K?

Happy Super Bowl.


  1. I started drinking coffee when I was eleven, I don't know why this was OK with my parents but it was. So I did! Never looked back.

    Teeth: Are fine.
    Super Bowl: Not caring so much about it. Out of the Zeitgeist loop, as usual.
    Coffee: not after 12 pm, otherwise out of loop altogether & up all night.

  2. I don't prefer tea to coffee, not all the time. It depends on the time of day. And who made it. And where.

  3. I like my coffee blended with ice cream with chocolate syrup on top...

  4. The French have super bowls of coffee for breakfast. So they can dunk their croissants.

  5. Coffee... I love coffee... Although I managed to drink too much of it one day last week and went utterly doolally for a couple of hours until I got the caffeine out of my system.

    I don't think I've ever had the perfect cup of coffee, but then I'm fairly easy to please with it. I'll drink instant without complaint, though I prefer fresh-ground and fresh-brewed when I can get it.

  6. How could I have possibly missed responding to these delightful comments? No wonder you are all upset with me and have never come back. So sorry!

    @Lidian - Eleven! Well, I guess that accounts for your lapses and repetitions. I was beginning to think you had had a head injury as a child. I am relieved. :) Congrats on the finely honed teeth. Since this is February 5, I don't much care about the Superbowl either any more. :)

    @A. - Who would have guessed? Well, I will just invite you over for a cup! (After I learn the secret of making perfect coffee.) :)

    @Angelika - I was talking mainly about life here on planet Earth, luv. :)

    @Stine - Thank you so much for telling an American how good French things are. You made my day. Kidding.

    Isn't "Dunk your croissants" an off-color Norwegian euphemism for something quite different? I can never fully trust you when you are feeling feisty. :)

    And don't think the "super bowl" of coffee went over my head. Just sayin'...

    @Catherine - Doolally???? I don't think I've ever been - at least not utterly. I'm guessing Alice in Wonderland mushrooms Doolally. But why would you WANT to get caffeine out of your system? I mean, that's the point, right? :)

    Stick with me. We are going to discover the perfect cup of coffee together. Or pass out trying.

  7. How boring...

    I prefer living in my own world, where coffee isn't just a drink, it's an experience.

  8. I started drinking coffee in college, after the Tab failed to keep me awake long enough during finals week. Rarely have I myself ever made a drinkable cup of coffee. The Mountain Man makes passable coffee most of the time - he mainly drinks it for the caffeine, and I suspect he'd be just as happy with a IV every morning. Mostly if I need caffeine I drink a Coke. Caffeine AND sugar. The easy way to Doolally (yes, I'm definitely stealing THAT word!).

  9. @Angelika - I've changed my mind. I will try the ice cream. But you must make it for me. I will be there Monday, K? I'm not kidding. :)

    @Janet - I like that word too. I think Catherine just made it up. You remember Tab? :)



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