Thursday, October 21, 2010

An instruction manual too far

I'm all for instruction manuals. I like efficiency. But sometimes manual writers can take it a little too far. As an example, here is the essence of an instruction manual I found online.

  1. 1
    Begin by finding someone in the audience that can clap. Define the rhythm (cadence) of the applause around you. A good way to determine this is to find a person with rhythm, and use the counting method. To use the counting method count out numbers each time the clapper's hands connect. Watch this clapper closely.

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  2. 2
    Start off slow. Continue to watch the clapper closely. Now that you have determined the clapping cadence try one or two. With a few successes you'll gain the necessary confidence needed for full blown clapping.
  3. 3
    Get some confidence under your belt and stop watching your clapper-mentor. Make sure the audience around you is still clapping.
  4. 4
    Concentrate. Using the same counted out cadence, bring your hands together with each number counted. Listen carefully. as those around you start to slow down as that will be your cue that you can stop. Advanced clapping will cover speeding-up, slowing-down, clapping while standing, clapping to a different drummer, and clapping while dancing.

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    I'm not sure what the top Google adwords are about, but the bottom one is apparently customized for me since Steve Pearce is a corrupt congressman from my state who is now running for reelection. So Google zeroed in on my IP address, apparently.
    Either that or Google thinks Steve Pearce has the clap.

Speaking of claps...
Disclaimer: Please don't confuse this guy with the dead gay porn actor Steve Pierce. Spelled differently.


  1. WHO looks up how to clap? I mean, besides you. Just think, someone out there might be MORE you than you are and wrote those instructions (hopefully for a laugh).

    Sorry. Mind is boggled.

    Corrupt politicians make me ill, so there's no joy in mudville considering what's available. I maintain we need a "none of the above" box and make them come up with alternatives until they offer someone decent.

  2. Tell the truth. You didn't know how to clap so you googled it.

    Poor Max. I'll teach you how to clap. I'll make a you tube video & send you the link. ;-p

  3. I didn't look up how to clap. I looked up how to write a manual and it was #1 on the google page. Then clap was and example on that site. Sheesh.

  4. We already have a "none of the above" box. It's called stay at home on election day.

  5. The Russians have my IP address. Everything arrives in Russian these days, even Google.

    I think you could find a better example of how to write a manual. I used to do that for a living. If you want I could give you lessons. I'm very cheap and it wouldn't be in Russian or come with ads.

  6. Staying at home on election day only works if they throw out the candidates if too few come in to vote.

  7. I have been keeping my eye on the Russians for some time now. Thank God it's not just me thinking they are up to something.

    Hmmmmm.....I thought you were anti word verification.

  8. @A. - Don't know what you are talking about with the Russian. Mine is Chinese. You are cheap? As in tawdry? Or just inexpensive. If you will do it for free I will let you teach me. I want to learn. I don't know why. :)

  9. @Stephanie Barr - It doesn't matter. They are all bad. Someday you will discover that. The government only works in theory, not fact.

  10. @Angelika - you can still make me a video though. One can never know too much about clapping. :)

  11. @Sue - what are you people talking about? No Russians. Snap out of it.

    You are wrong about me not liking word verification for me. I just don't like anyone else to use it. Maybe if I stop I can get some Russians too.

  12. The PC lobby are forever giving people instruction show to do things these days Things like riding a bike, or speaking to an ethnic minority.
    Breathing lessons and opening a door come next.

  13. I should probably rephrase that. Did you understand the manual? Because I didn't.

  14. @Adullamite - I agree. I don't think one could write a manual on how to ride a bike though.

    @Sheila - Please don't be vile. This is a high-class blog. I agree the clapping manual could have been in more detail. :)



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