None of these were quite funny enough until I began changing them to suit my own warped sense of humor.---------
You are only young once, but you can be immature forever.
Here's one for my buddy Canucklehead: You are not truly drunk if you can lay on the floor without holding on!
You can accomplish much with a kind word. But a kind word and a gun works miracles.
You can observe a lot just by watching. (Yogi Berra, I think)
Contrary to popular belief, you do not need a parachute in order to skydive. You only need a parachute if you want to skydive twice.
Some people aren't, but I've always been a big fan of violence. Frankly, if you don't get what you want you are simply not using enough.
Here's a question I have often wondered about: why is the alphabet in the order that it is? Who decided? Was it because of that song?
Pigs can fly just fine. With enough thrust. (That's a physics joke for Boris)
Here's a poser. Why do they use costly new sterile needles to give a lethal injection? Really. Just save the same damn needle.
No groaning; just skip this one if you don't like poo jokes. Why buy shampoo when REAL poo is free?
Here's one for the unfathomable Patches (Patchwork): "Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?"
Is ignorance worse than apathy? Or is it the other way around? Who knows. Who cares.
Have you ever been so mad you tried to slam the revolving door?
When vultures fly, are they allowed carrion luggage?
I think it was Aristotle who said, "When in doubt, poke it with a stick."
I hope these qualify for a post. It's all I have today.
And for a disruptive Irish lass: When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane. :)
