Waiting to check out in the ever-longer lines at Walmart today, I perused the headlines of the tabloid rack and amongst the mostly Trayvon shills saw a full page picture of a sad and bloated OJ Simpson under a headline that said he had only two months to live. Maybe it was 2 minutes. Anyway, they said he weighed 300 pounds and was dying of some mysterious disease. Well, if he's gained a hundred pounds, I'm guessing the mysterious disease is diabetes. I also had a passing wonderment how one can gain 100 pounds in prison. Is the chow really that good?

Walmart is experimenting to find out just how long their customers will wait in line before they just walk out. They are down to about 4 checkers per 1000 customers now. I'm guessing people would wait long enough for them to go down to 3 checkers, at least. Most customers are unemployed and on food stamps anyway, so nowhere to go. I wonder if it occurs to any of the unemployed to put in a job application at Walmart on their computer thingy by the front door next to the pizzas? Obviously help is needed. And at Walmart, employment comes with the perk that you don't have to actually work.

Apparently.

Trolls and cigarette butts at Walmart

Dear Ettarose:

I enjoyed your cigarette butt-snatching troll post. So this may interest you.

I have a friend who used to work at our local uranium mine before he shot himself in the leg to collect disability. Anyway, now he works at Walmart. Sort of. He's there, anyway. I saw him the other day after months of not seeing him and asked him where he had been. He said he had been at Walmart every day and I just hadn't seen him because they had put him in the baby food department so no one would see him. I guess he was sneaking around and scaring the customers. I mention this only because he DOES look like a troll. But he doesn't smoke (I think he is afraid to go outside.) Plus he still glows in the dark from being down in the uranium mine all those years. This is a true story so don't be rolling your eyes at me. The only reason I saw him was that he had sneaked out of the baby department just long enough to rip off a can of cashews. So at least I still know he is alive.

Max