Whackjobs for Jesus

[above] Ummm... No, he's not the next Billy Graham. He wears spats and ties made out of the same materials as his suits. He is the next Benny Hill.


[above] Clockwise from top left: Benny Hinn (NOT Benny Hill - that's T.J. Jakes, above), some black guy, Joyce something - the one with all the property, and then the other obnoxious woman; then Rev. Crafty Dollar (or something like that) and, finally, of course! - Kenneth Copland who owns 5 planes and half of Texas. God is really blessing him.


[above] The inestimable Pat Robertson, digitally signaling his IQ.


[above] An Oral grouping. One time Oral clumb up in one of the towers at his University in Tulsa and refused to eat or come down until his flock mailed in a few million dollars. But I think he really ate. Oral has been around since the 1940s and is well-respected by insane folk. Here's an old joke for you: "Why can't anyone play Oral Robert's records?" (and then you are supposed to say, "I don't know. Why...) and then I say, "Because the hole in the middle keeps healing up."
Ah, yes. You have to be an Oralite to get that one. In the picture above, his son Richard (the guy in back with his hand up in the air whose skunk streaked hair has finally turned one color), Kenneth (jet lag) Copeland, and some other old preacher, and various miscellaneous women are praying for the elder Oral's healing. I think. Either that or Kenny is trying to rip Oral's ear off. And at this stage in life, Oral's ears are monstously big. Notice how God heals all their hair so it is bright red when they get old.

Was it Oral who started his preaching-leaching career preaching from the top of the concession stand at drive in movies on Sunday mornings in the 1940s? Or was that the other guy - the one who looks like Bugs Bunny that owns the Crystal Cathedral? Maybe both. Drive in theaters must be pretty cheap to rent on Sunday mornings.


[above] Jimmy Swaggert.

I almost said "Jimmy Swaggert, 'nough said" but can anybody REALLY say enough about Jimmy Swaggert? Cousin of Jerry Lee Lewis and Mickey Gilly and a better piano player than either one of them, Jimmy - in his heyday - was a better showman than PT Barnum. I used to stay home from church on Sunday mornings just to watch him do his act. This guy could fill up any stadium ever made. His philanderings over the years have reduced his flock considerably, but the forgiveness crowd still earns Jimmy a tidy mail-in pension.
It was so cool how he got caught with that whore in the motel room that night. One of his rival evangelists was stalking him, and spied Jimmy's shiny Lincoln Town Car parked outside the motel and went over an let the air out of the tires and then called the tv station. So cool.
But Jimmy is a survivor. His wife is still with him and he has passed on the family business to his son Donny now. You may recall that his cousin Jerry Lee, at the peak of his rock and roll success in the 1950s decided it would be fine to marry his 14 year old first cousin and crash his stardom and lose all his money at his peak. That goes to show you the level of the gene pool in that family.

[above] Here's pastor John Hagee. John McCain lost quite a bit of the last election sucking up to Hagee and getting endorsed by him.

[above] I can't remember the above guy's name. Let's just call him "The Idiot" since he threw away thousands of prayer requests and letters from old ladies after taking out the checks. The IRS found them in a dumpster behind his office. Did I say "Idiot?" Well, I can't think of anything dumber right now, so we will leave it at idiot. Can you say f-r-a-u-d?


[above] A healer and his catcher go to work on a smiling dope. I think the healer is Ernest Angely unless that is Robin Williams trying to pick up a few extra bucks on the side.

[above] Don't laugh. HuyukHuyuk. This Porter Waggoner look-alike is one of the richest scammers in the religion business today. Multi-Multi millionaire. Together with his lavender-haired scary wife Jan, they own the Trinity Broadcasting Network. Worldwide calls for money, 24 hours a day.


[above] This here is the infamous Pakistani Poker, Bennie hinn. Him and Donald Trump's got the same hairdresser.