Friday, July 10, 2009

Driving traffic to your blog

I wonder where that term came from - "driving" traffic to your blog. I'm not sure I even want to try and entertain someone who has been driven here. They would probably be sulking and close-minded, like, well, like the rest of you. Besides, who likes to be referred to as a piece of "traffic?"

I would prefer to "attract" "new readers" to my blog. Admittedly that's not likely because I don't have very interesting content.

"Content." Now there's another word I don't like very much. I write stories. I explain how things are or how to do things. I entertain. I like to think I tap dance around issues. I tell you what I did last night. Sometimes I sing for you. I don't produce "content." If I do, content isn't king. I'm king around here. Yo.

SEO. Oh. SEO. Optimize your SEO. Maximize your SEO. Blow bubbles with your SEO. I think I will leave SEO to the experts like Descartes. Pick a lucky word and pay Google to make that word an adword. Does that make sense? Then Google will put it on all your blogs in Adsense. You know Adsense. That's the thing in your sidebar that almost paid you enough to buy a candy bar over the last three years. Also known as "Free Advertising Revenue for Google."
They'll share the revenue with you, though. How much? What percentage? None of your business. Just install the widget and trust in Google. In Google you trust. In the unlikely event you ever receive a check from Google, how will you know it's for the correct amount? You don't. Why? None of your business.

Please save all your Google Adsense paychecks and put them with all your Entrecard credits you've cashed in and do your Christmas shopping.

Where was I?Oh - I was going to tell you how to drive traffic to your blog. First you visit other blogs and select commenters who appear to be halfway intelligent. Then throw them in the back of your paddy wagon and drive them to your blog. Simple.Shoutouts for recent commenters:
A. shows street sign with French words on it and a BEAUTIFUL sunset.
Stephanie B talks about critical thinking.
Sheila tells us where O'Connell street is. Betcha can guess.
Debbie tells how to kick butt.
Canucklehead shows some beautiful pics of Greece vacation.
Janet has Hernan Cortez on stage. Wait. That's a windmill.
Ettarose tells the summer delights of North Carolina.
Sage claims her birthday is in March but still drives a Peugeot. I think.
Lidian gets serious about stopping thumbsucking.
Descartes shows off his silver toenails and torches a warehouse.
Frostygirl shows Africa's questions for Obama. Tough ones, too.


  1. Well, thanks for clarifying the subject. There'll be no stopping me now.

  2. Having no advertising is an excellent way to remove the incentive to drive traffic anywhere.

    Or, at least, it works for me.

  3. So that's what is in those vans I see all the time around town. Now I know! ;)

  4. Yeah, there's going to be some amazing Christmas presents around here this year!

    Or perhaps not...

  5. Thanks for your comment on my recent post on Obama, it is true that most American's do not realise how much African's believe America and Obama can help them.

    There is nothing wrong with the content on your blog I have learnt a lot and the proof is in how many people you have following your blog.

    Enjoy your weekend.

  6. I'm stuck.

    OK, I haven't been on top form and my head isn't working right, so please explain, what are those people with half their clothes torn off doing? What are those bits hanging off them? I managed the cattle driving and the magnets attracting but until I understand the next one, I won't be able to continue with the SEO bit.

  7. from roundabouts to driving traffic to our blogs, are you a NASCAR fan?

  8. p.s. your comment about my baby boy truly is the way to my heart!

  9. Well once again you have put my name on your blog. That is certainly NOT going to attract the right kind of visitors you know. Especially the way I write, or don't I should say. Thank you!

  10. P.S. I am stealing your idea for a post. You always said if anyone claims writers block it is because they having nothing to say. You are right (as usual)I have nothing to say so I am stealing from you. Thanks!

  11. I can't believe I got 10 comments on this stuff. Shows the intelligence of my followers. :)

    @Sheila - What subject? I had no subject. But I agree there is not stopping you. :)

    @Stephanie B - I wish I could understand what you just said. But you have advertising ALL OVER your blog. Everybody: go look. Har. What a driver I am. :)

    @Lady Sacrcasm - That's what they look like from the outside. That's why they looked strange to you. You've never seen the outside before. :)

    @Lidian - You have the most traffic of any blogger I know. Except a few. I'll bet your Adsense checks are humongous. 80-90 cents or more. Bet you'll break minimum this millennium. I'm pulling for you. :)

  12. @Frostygirl - Thank you! That means a lot to me. I will come and click on your links, K? (I always do anyway.) If you befriend me at blogcatalog. And follow me on Twitter. Deal? :)

    @A. - Those are zombies with an irresistible urge to visit my blog. Hope your brain heals up. :) Actually they are people fleeing a nuclear blast but that was such a downer, so I made them zombie folks. I'm sure everyone could tell that but you.

    @Debbie - Not a Nascar fan. Threw my neck out and now can only rotate my head clockwise. It isn't as much fun that way. I am a Debbie fan, though. Does that count?

    [I know. I know. :) :)

    @Ettarose - I always hide your name somewhere. Don't tell me you haven't noticed all this time! It's like a game. Where in the blog is EttaSandiego? Like that.

    No. No you can't. Don't even think of it.

    @Relax Max - 10 Comments? No way!

    @Relax Max - Stop talking to yourself.

  13. Herman Cortez. BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

    Thanks for sticking with me. I don't know about driving people TO your blog, but blogging once a month certainly can drive them away. But that's OK. I know where they all live now, so I'll come back and haunt them.

    Not you, my good and faithful Max, who loves me even when I wander far afield for weeks at a time.

    I don't have advertising for that reason. Or that one either. Actually, I'm just too lazy to bother.



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