Driving traffic to your blog

I wonder where that term came from - "driving" traffic to your blog. I'm not sure I even want to try and entertain someone who has been driven here. They would probably be sulking and close-minded, like, well, like the rest of you. Besides, who likes to be referred to as a piece of "traffic?"

I would prefer to "attract" "new readers" to my blog. Admittedly that's not likely because I don't have very interesting content.

"Content." Now there's another word I don't like very much. I write stories. I explain how things are or how to do things. I entertain. I like to think I tap dance around issues. I tell you what I did last night. Sometimes I sing for you. I don't produce "content." If I do, content isn't king. I'm king around here. Yo.

SEO. Oh. SEO. Optimize your SEO. Maximize your SEO. Blow bubbles with your SEO. I think I will leave SEO to the experts like Descartes. Pick a lucky word and pay Google to make that word an adword. Does that make sense? Then Google will put it on all your blogs in Adsense. You know Adsense. That's the thing in your sidebar that almost paid you enough to buy a candy bar over the last three years. Also known as "Free Advertising Revenue for Google."
They'll share the revenue with you, though. How much? What percentage? None of your business. Just install the widget and trust in Google. In Google you trust. In the unlikely event you ever receive a check from Google, how will you know it's for the correct amount? You don't. Why? None of your business.

Please save all your Google Adsense paychecks and put them with all your Entrecard credits you've cashed in and do your Christmas shopping.

Where was I?Oh - I was going to tell you how to drive traffic to your blog. First you visit other blogs and select commenters who appear to be halfway intelligent. Then throw them in the back of your paddy wagon and drive them to your blog. Simple.Shoutouts for recent commenters:
A. shows street sign with French words on it and a BEAUTIFUL sunset.
Stephanie B talks about critical thinking.
Sheila tells us where O'Connell street is. Betcha can guess.
Debbie tells how to kick butt.
Canucklehead shows some beautiful pics of Greece vacation.
Janet has Hernan Cortez on stage. Wait. That's a windmill.
Ettarose tells the summer delights of North Carolina.
Sage claims her birthday is in March but still drives a Peugeot. I think.
Lidian gets serious about stopping thumbsucking.
Descartes shows off his silver toenails and torches a warehouse.
Frostygirl shows Africa's questions for Obama. Tough ones, too.